Front Page of the Guernsey Press – love that!

http://yfrog.com/z/nxgr3gp

Quick trip to Tesco = Guilt trip about being an atheist.

I was just in Tesco. I was purchasing some red and gold wrapping paper. The man serving me said ‘Ahhh, for Christmas?’ Thinking that was blazingly obvious, but being in a good mood, I answered with a cheery ‘yes’ and continued to pack my bags. He then said ‘Are you a Christian?’

I froze.

Why? Why did he ask me that? What did it matter in that moment in time? Was he about to get out a loud speaker and start screaming JESUS in my ears if I wasn’t? It caught me totally off guard. I felt instantly guilty for not being a Christian. He stared at me until I told him either way. My freezing fingers got instantly hot. I had to answer the question because he just asked me. If I didn’t I would be rude. But WHY did he ask me? He kind of made me angry. But it is Christmas, and I am in a good mood today, I don’t want to be angry. But then I didn’t come to Tesco just now to be made to feel guilty about being an atheist.

In the split second that all this seemed to take place my mouth lead the way with a very loud ‘YES’. I instantly felt angry with MYSELF. Why did I answer yes??

I guess I didn’t want to be the bad guy. He is a Christian for Christ’s sake. I am an atheist. He is all smiley and comfortable asking that question, I am now twitching and I think I might have wee’d on the floor.

He then said ‘Good. Good. Very good’.

If I had answered no would he have said ‘Bad. Bad. VERY BAD?’

When I left I wanted to go back and tell him he didn’t have the right to ask me that LOADED question JUST because I was buying wrapping paper. I wanted to say ‘Listen, BUSTER! I am not religious. I think its a load of cods wallop, BUT I am a good person. And I have just spent a fortune on gifts for the people I love to make them happy. So whether I believe in God or not, I still have the right to celebrate Christmas. To spend a week celebrating with the people I love, giving each other gifts and making each other happy. Isn’t doing right by people what the whole God thing is all about? If we don’t believe in God, should we just not bother??’

Maybe he wouldn’t have cared ether way. If I had said no, maybe he would have said nothing and let me go off to wrap my presents. Or maybe he would have given me a look that would have made me want to melt into the ground. And that is why I said yes. I REALLY regret saying YES!!

WHY DID I SAY YES!!

The MOST annoying thing is that I need more wrapping paper and a carton of milk but I don’t want to go back in case he is ‘onto’ me.

I think I just realised what a hugely personal question ‘Are you a Christian’ is.

Oh, and I LOVE Christmas.

What I am up to at the moment…

I have a cacopheny of projects going on right now, and they are all so random that I wake up most mornings with my lips positioned to scream the words ‘WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?’

First up, I am doing an ad campaign for Andrex – Washlets – to be precise. Now, I never set out in life to be the face of Moist Toilet Tissue, but this is proving to be one of my fav jobs ever. Andrex came to me and asked me if I would help get Washlets to the masses, and it didn’t take me long to say ‘YES’. My brief is to be as funny, silly, naughty and ridiculous as I can be, as I travel the country talking to people about wiping their bums. Never being one to shy away from an embarrassing subject (or a very handsome pay check) I was thrilled to be involved.

Producing this series of 6 episodic ads, are a fabulous company called, The Outfit. Headed up by two brilliant ex C4 peops, Neil and Charlie, they have put together a team of some of the funniest most hardworking crew I have ever worked with. We literally laugh all day, and I can’t tell you how important that is on a shoot, especially when I have the impossible job of walking up to strangers in the street and asking them how they wipe their bottoms. Never have so many people told me to sod off. It is quite a mission, let me tell you! But I am relentless.

Here is a grown up article about the ad, I can’t wait for you to see it. They will air in January for around three weeks.

http://www.brandrepublic.com/news/1107761/andrex-poised-3m-relaunch-moist-wipes-brand/

For now tho, please go to and LIKE this Facebook page. I am posting loads of funny videos showing the fun we are having, and I need as many people to like this page as possible so PLEASE do it, if you don’t mind. I promise to make you laugh.

www.facebook.com/cleancampaign

On the days that I am not filming I am working on the first of my new series of novels, Renèe and Flo. A twisting tale of an intense female friendship. I have to have the first one delivered on July 1st 2012, so I am gearing up to spending a lot of time alone, and eating way too many Kettle Chips. I can’t wait though. Writing novels is the dream so to get two in the bag is so amazing that it still hasn’t quite sunk in. The second book will be delivered on July 1st, 2013.

I’m still popping out articles for various mags, so will keep you posted on those. And there are a few random tots of TV coming up, including me playing a cameo role in SKINS. I was a receptionist who gets quite eggy and tells a  lot of people to sit down. My performance will BLOW YOUR MIND. (My performance will not blow your mind, but it was really fun).

That’s it for now. Can’t wait for you to see/read all this stuff. It’s been a very funny month x x